breakup recovery

Helping you heal and rebuild

Coping with the loss

The end of a relationship signifies the loss of a constant companion and confidant, leading to feelings of loneliness and emptiness
We experience longing for the happy moments and nostalgic memories shared with them, which can intensify the pain of the loss
We mourn the dreams, future plans, and shared goals
For some, the breakup might lead to a loss of trust in future relationships, making it challenging to open up and trust again
Grief can manifest physically, resulting in loss of appetite, sleep disturbances, headaches, or general fatigue due to emotional stress
The desire for closure, understanding, or an explanation for the end of the relationship can significantly impact the grieving process
We might experience guilt or regret about things done or left undone in the relationship, further contributing to the grieving process

Rebuilding self-esteem

The end of a relationship can lead to feelings of unworthiness. It's common to experience self-doubt and insecurity about our personality, behaviours, or appearance, wondering if those were contributing factors to the breakup.
There's often a tendency to internalise blame for the relationship's failure, leading to a lowered sense of self-worth and confidence
Sometimes it doesn't matter what our friends and family say, we just can't shake the feeling that there might be something wrong with us. We ask ourselves whether we're still desirable or worthy
The fear of being rejected again or not finding love in the future can significantly damage self-esteem
Comparisons with our ex-partner, our friends, (or random couples on social media) can lead to feelings of inadequacy, especially we feel we don’t measure up to certain standards or qualities
Rebuilding a positive self-image can be challenging, especially when the breakup has caused damage to the perception of our worth and capabilities
Negative self-talk and rumination about past mistakes or perceived flaws can exacerbate feelings of inadequacy and unworthiness

Finding direction

With a significant relationship ending, we might struggle to define ourselves outside of the context of the relationship
The prospect of facing life alone, without the emotional and physical presence of a partner, can be daunting and can trigger anxiety and fear
The breakup often shatters future plans, leading to a need to re-evaluate and reconstruct life goals and dreams, which can be overwhelming and disorienting
Routines and stability that were part of the relationship may disappear, leaving us feeling unmoored and without a sense of structure in our daily lives
Overcoming the fear of loneliness and learning to enjoy one's own company can be a considerable challenge, especially after being part of a partnership.
The sheer uncertainty of what the future holds without them and the fear of the unknown path ahead can be paralysing.

What's involved in rebuilding after a break-up?

The process of rebuilding after a break-up looks a little bit different for everyone. Although their tends to be common threads, we all experience each component of the loss in different ways and to differing degrees (and we all have different personalities which dictate which recovery process is going to work best for us). However the process often involves:

Implementation of gentle self-care strategies: Typically, we need some time initially to retreat, feel crappy, and process what just happened. This is completely normal. However it can be helpful to put some gentle strategies in place to make sure we don't retreat too far or for too long. There are often intense emotions associated with the loss of a relationship, and our appetite, sleep, motivation, sociability and performance can suffer
A focus on personal rediscovery and growth: When a relationship ends we can be left with no idea what to do next. We're grieving the loss of shared goals and the future we had planned together. As awful as this is, it can also be an empowering and exciting aspect of recovery. When you're ready, we'll begin reconnecting with your own individual passions and goals, and begin to find new direction and focus. There is often a process of reconstructing our individual identity, as we learn to define ourselves against our own internal values and goals, as opposed to the values and standards of others
Rebuilding self-esteem: It takes time and effort to rediscover our self-value, strengths, and positive attributes after they might have been damaged overshadowed by the breakup. Rebuilding self-esteem often involves both internal work (challenging our negative assessments of ourselves) as well as external work (exploring activities and goals that make us feel good about ourselves)
Boundary setting: For some, a strong need for external validation might arise, and we begin seeking reassurance from others to feel accepted or valued
There can be difficulty in setting personal boundaries and asserting our needs, which makes it easy to fall back into old relationships or seek out unhealthy rebound relationships
Reflection and learning: Sometimes it can be useful to unpack the relationship in a bit more depth. Understanding what happened can assist us in finding a sense of closure, as well as identifying aspects of the relationship we may want to look out for in future partners or relationships
Managing emotions: A breakup can be one of the most daunting emotional rollercoasters we have to face. The pain and loneliness can be intense, and it can feel as though it will never get any better. Although it's absolutely normal to feel strong emotions, there are also strategies which can make them easier to manage

I'm here to support you through the process.